i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
