i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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