I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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