I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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