This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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