I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i would punch a child for taco bell
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize