you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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