I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
