She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
