There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
