I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
