Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
