You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
