i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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