I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
