theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think a kid would responsible me up
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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