and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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