We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
