I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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