All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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