grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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