I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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