Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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