You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
