well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
