Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize