david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You ate ashes out of my bong
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