I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
