uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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