Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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