yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
