I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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