I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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