As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just forgot I was standing up.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
