Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
