Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
