You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
should my penis look like a turkey
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
