im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
