Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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