do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
