Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
