Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
