5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
