If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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