Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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