Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Couch. On fire.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
