Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
