I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Green mimosas i think yes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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