i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
