Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
