i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
