i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
