Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
