it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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