Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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