Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
