I think scott just propositioned me for sex
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
