No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
