omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
