She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i barfeds in our rink
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
