well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
