i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
