hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
