Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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