You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
