He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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