uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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